Psychologist Everett Worthington is an author and a specialist on instructing people in “REACH,” a 5 step process for forgiveness.

Worthington knows something about forgiveness. He experienced the unthinkable when his 78-year-old mother was sexually violated and beaten to death with a crowbar. According to an article published by WWBT in Richmond, Virginia, Worthington states that “this was a particularly horrific scene. One that I just never will forget.”

Adding to his difficulties, Worthington’s brother could not get the image of his mother’s death out of his head, and a few years later he committed suicide. Worthington says not only did he need to forgive his mother’s killer, he also had to forgive himself for not being able to help his brother!

Although I am not a psychologist, I have seen marriages broken by infidelity, restored through forgiveness. I have witnessed criminals find self-forgiveness and the ability to move forward in life, and I have seen the abused released from the horrors of cruelty through forgiveness.

Worthington writes in his book, “Forgiveness and Reconciliation” that he was able to forgive the youths that committed the horrible crime against his mother in just over 30 hours. How? By working through his 5-Step Process which I will outline for you in my next two blogs.

How do we cultivate forgiveness? Renee Napier certainly knows how. Her daughter, Meagan, was a drunken-driver accident victim. Eric Smallridge was intoxicated when the vehicle he was driving struck another, instantly killing Meagan and her friend Lisa, both 20 years old.

Renee knows the incomprehensible grief associated with the sudden loss of a child, and she dedicated her life to preventing more deaths by raising awareness of drunken driving.

She successfully conducted events across Florida, but as she told ABC news,” she kept feeling like something was missing.” She knew if she could involve Eric in her presentations, it would be powerful.

Prior to his prison release Eric was allowed to join Renee in her events. Still wearing his prison uniform he emphatically told people, “Don’t be me! I never intended to be in this uniform! The consequences of my one decision to drive drunk were far too great!”

How does a mother find courage to work with the very man who took her daughter’s life? How could this same person also advocate and obtain an early release for a man who had 10 years left to serve on a 22 year prison sentence for manslaughter? Indira Gandhi said, “Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.”

In a Gulf Breeze News interview Napier said: “I could be angry, hateful and bitter, but I didn’t want to live my life that way. There was no way I could move on and live a happy life without forgiving Eric.”

Napier has said that she has grown to love Smallridge and his family and now considers him to be like a son to her. What would you do if you faced this life altering tragedy? Could you forgive this person? Would you forgive this person?  And how do you cultivate forgiveness?

One of the real challenges that stands as a mountain before a person is the delay of their dreams. It is difficult for people to deal with time, they expect solutions instantly. They want it now, not five minutes from now!

This time expectation is most acute and unique to American society. They are inventors of fast food because it is believed that fast is always better! Now, let me help you understand time. God has no time frame that controls Him. The whole spectrum of time is always laid before Him, so He does not experience time as a limiter.

Faith is what He has given us to enter into the reality that He lives in.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Faith is the quality of a human being that allows us to see and be happy about our answer now. We are not waiting for the physical manifestation to be happy or fulfilled or confident. We enjoy what we believe as if we had the things we believe for already in our possession. What does this do for us?

It puts ETERNITY INTO OUR HEART!

What we have received as our inheritance from God is now ours. Get happy about it and you will see it!

Scripture: Hebrews 11:1

Perhaps today, you are experiencing grief or a sense of loss; I want you to know that God is right there with you! My father and I were very close, and throughout my life he was a voice of wisdom and clarity. I remember him telling me after many years of suffering from debilitating illness, that he was tired and ready to go on to the next life. He had called every family member, making sure that each knew Jesus as their personal Savior. He felt my mother would be ok and could take care of herself.  I remember thinking how odd it was that he was telling me all of this. My father passed away just a few days later.

I don’t know what you are walking through right now, but I do know there is one who will walk with you and give you the hope you need. The scriptures say, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I also recall many weeks later, God opened heaven and I had an awareness of my father smiling and a knowledge that he was in a much better place.  As I spoke to the audience that day, I remember crying great tears of God’s love for the people who were listening…for them to know that they could face anything in life, and even death, if they had a hope in the future!

As a young businesswoman I remember sitting at my desk after having just received accolades for a very successful business deal that people of my age seldom experienced.

The president of the bank and my peers thought it was amazing, yet I sat there thinking, “I’ve obtained what people seek after for years…but is this what I want to do with the rest of my life??”

As I was pondering this decision the phone rang. It was a local pastor calling, and I remember telling him, “Funny you should call right now…I am pondering what to do with the rest of my life.” I recall his words so clearly.  He simply said, “Let peace be the umpire of your heart.”

Hanging up the phone, I leaned back and thought, “Stay here? For the rest of my life?” NO joy, NO Peace! And in that moment I decided to pursue a second career. Perhaps today, you need courage to follow your heart.

Consider this: My mother-in-law always said, work at your career for 5 years, and if you find yourself bored, then do something else. Her observation: boredom was the great thief of happiness.

Life is too short to be bored!

I recently read an article in the Huffington post entitled: Redefining Happiness in India. In the article a young doctor stated,

“As Indian Americans, we have grown up hearing stories from our parents about how they left India in search of a better life. They came to the West to create new opportunities for themselves and for generations to come.

The younger generations have found more opportunities, more amenities and more comfort. But somewhere in always striving for more, we have also become more discontent.  We have started asking the questions, “what brings real happiness?” and “what is the definition of a good life?”

She concluded that this is happiness:

– To STOP constantly thinking of ourselves and to find joy in service.

– To look WITHIN for problem solving instead of finding short term joy in outside things.

– To share our joy by sharing with others.

According to the Holy Scriptures, King Solomon was considered to be the wisest and richest king who ever lived. He had all the power, riches, wine and women he could ever desire. He pursued the essence of happiness, and his sad conclusion is found in a book called Ecclesiastes. He found only emptiness. His verdict on pursuing happiness? Who needs it!

We conclude that he was searching for happiness in all the wrong places. If that’s so, where do we find happiness? Many have reached the same conclusion as Augustine, a powerful 3rd-century noble, who pursued women and wine. He said, “Indeed, man wishes to be happy even when he so lives as to make happiness impossible!”

Walking down one of the streets he had frequented before, a local harlot called out, “Augustine, it is I! It is I!” Augustine responded, “It is not I! It is not I!” Why? He had discovered a new identity for himself!

One of my most important life-experiences came as I was helping Jean, a woman who attended our weekly feeding program. Our local city had issued a notice that she was to clean up her property or they would haul off all her possessions. What was so tragic is that although she owned a beautiful home, she lived on the front porch!  You could not even find a pathway through her home. Though she was a gentle soul with a love for nature and a concern for suffering people, she had a serious mental struggle.

Our local outreach group organized a team to clear her property—not an easy job, since to her, everything seemed valuable. I remember sitting on the street curb, dirty from head to foot, picking up seeds that had just spilled from her pouch.  At that moment, a carload of young people careened by and they shouted, “Look at the street people!” Then I realized—they were talking about me! But as my eyes caught Jean’s, I saw joy—because someone cared enough to help her pick up her little seeds.

I have carried that experience with me to over 60 nations. Why? A well-lived life is a life engaged with serving others! If you are sad or depressed, remember there is always someone else who is sadder and more depressed than you. So go out and get busy interacting with others!

Then, as Jesus said, you will discover there is no greater love than to lay down your life for another! (John 15:13) The Dalai Lama said “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

True human value is not found in serving yourself, but in serving others!

How do we find true pleasure? In abundant possessions? From external factors? Or could there be something deeper that guides us to a true sense of pleasure in life? The ancient Proverb says, Happy is the person who finds wisdom and understanding. For its gain and profit is better than from silver or fine gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies: and nothing you can desire can compare. Long life is in her right hand; and in her left hand, riches and honor.

What is wisdom? It is the ability to see the end of a thing from the beginning. Wisdom provides answers. It does not simply provoke questions!  Wisdom is the ability to be a problem solver and not simply be one who is overcome by problems.

Scripture: Proverbs 3:13-16 (paraphrased)

Is pleasure the key to your happiness? As a child, one of my favorite experiences each fall was to go shopping for clothes! It was a special event. I grew up in a town of 1,100 people, so we had to drive to the city, spend the day shopping, and then we would eat at a restaurant! WOW!  And we did this every school year! It is one of the special yearly memories from my childhood.

Why? I was different as a child and choosing clothes made me feel special.  These clothes provided a confidence to parade about when everyone made fun of me for being so tall and lanky! I clearly recall each year as we headed out, Mother would say to me, “Leslie, as a child I only had one dress for school and church. Your father and I want you to have more than we did as children.”

Yet, more than shopping adventures and new clothes, my family gave me the meaning of life through a solid spiritual foundation – with a clear belief in God. They instilled in me a good education, a strong work ethic, and the importance of integrity. They guided my life with values by which I still live today!

I believe that without that spiritual foundation in my life, I would have been adrift in search of pleasure and happiness. Why? My generation, was (and still is) all about fast cars, big houses, high salaries, media toys and the right family! They are thrill seekers and money masters!