As a young person, I faced relentless teasing for my size, name and abilities. No one seemed to understand, not even my mother. One time I remember my mother saying, “Leslie you are beautiful and gifted, what are you so upset about? Straighten up!” Those words, although intended to bring peace, only drove my shame deeper and placed an unseen wedge in my heart.
Several years later I realized that whenever I was in my mother’s house, we would automatically disagree and sometimes argue. There was no one else in the world I loved more at that time and yet we could not dwell in peace. I wanted help. My friend suggested that I ask God to forgive me for judging my mother and, if possible, seek my mother’s forgiveness. When I asked my mother to forgive me for not being the daughter I should have been, I remember her response. She said, “Leslie, you’re my daughter. Forgive you for what? I love you.”
My mother had no memory of any wrong, which is often the case, and the reason we must learn to guard our hearts. Because as the Proverb says, the issues of life flow out of the heart. My release did not come in knowing that my mother understood. My release came when I understood I was forgiven by God and I had forgiven both my mother and myself.
Have you ever considered the dominant role an unforgiving spirit can play in your life? You might wonder, what is an unforgiving spirit?
Virginia Whitman relates an incident that occurred several years ago at Fairfax Airport in Kansas City where workers were constructing a proposed electrically perfect room. This room was designed to provide technicians a work environment free of any electrical interference. To make this possible, special construction techniques were employed. When the job was complete, however, a special electronic “reading” revealed a small amount of electrical conduction. After hours of searching, testing, and measuring, the trouble was discovered. The culprit was the lead pencil marks on the lumber used by the carpenters.
What is an unforgiving spirit? It is the unseen pencil mark on the soul, breaking our connections with other people and affecting all of our relationships. Initially difficult to identify, an unforgiving spirit is developed over time, due to an inability to deal properly with shame, offenses, and even a pain suffered.
Is there a door to the heart that is the source of an unforgiving spirit? The seeds of an unforgiving spirit are planted when we are wronged in some way. Often, the first hurt we experience may begin as a child; unknowingly inflicted by those we love the most.
