Forgiveness has both a horizontal and a vertical aspect. Horizontal forgiveness releases us from judgments that bind us to unhealthy relationships. It is the gatekeeper to the unforgiving spirit. As long as we are alive, we will encounter hurt and disappointment. What we do with this disappointment will determine our future.
Vertical forgiveness begins at the heart of God and extends directly to our hearts. It is a supernatural force of divine love that has the power to lift every burden. God’s forgiveness can lift our perspective of our relationships and ourselves. It can cause us to rise above every offense and see things from a heavenly perspective.
Are you troubled in spirit? Right now reach out for God’s divine forgiveness and discover a new liberty and freedom in Him! You can be free, happy and loosed from the chains of an unforgiving spirit!
As a young person, I faced relentless teasing for my size, name and abilities. No one seemed to understand, not even my mother. I remember her saying to me, “Leslie you are beautiful and gifted, what are you so upset about? Straighten up!” Those words, although intended to bring peace, only drove my shame deeper and placed an unseen wedge in my heart.
Several years later I realized that whenever I was in my mother’s house, we would automatically disagree and sometimes argue. There was no one else in the world I loved more at that time and yet we could not dwell in peace. I wanted help. My friend suggested that I ask God to forgive me for judging my mother and, if possible, seek my mother’s forgiveness. When I asked my mother to forgive me for not being the daughter I should have been, I remember her response. She said, “Leslie, you’re my daughter. Forgive you for what? I love you!”
My mother had no memory of any wrong, which is often the case, and the reason we must learn to guard our hearts. Because as the Proverb says, the issues of life flow out of the heart. My release did not come in knowing that my mother understood. My release came when I understood I was forgiven by God and I had forgiven both my mother and myself.
Have you ever considered the dominant role an unforgiving spirit can play in your life? You might wonder, what is an unforgiving spirit?
Virginia Whitman relates an incident that occurred several years ago at Fairfax Airport in Kansas City, where workers were constructing a proposed electrically ‘perfect’ room. This room was designed to provide technicians a work environment free of any electrical interference. To make this possible, special construction techniques were employed. When the job was complete, however, a special electronic “reading” revealed a small amount of electrical conduction. After hours of searching, testing, and measuring, the trouble was discovered. The culprit was the lead pencil marks on the lumber used by the carpenters.
What is an unforgiving spirit? It is the unseen pencil mark on the soul, breaking our connections with other people and affecting all of our relationships. Initially difficult to identify, an unforgiving spirit is developed over time, due to an inability to deal properly with shame, offenses, and even a pain suffered.
Is there a door to the heart that is the source of an unforgiving spirit? The seeds of an unforgiving spirit are planted when we are wronged in some way. Often, the first hurt we experience may begin as a child; unknowingly inflicted by those we love the most.
Here are my first two tips to help you evaluate your behavior patterns and begin taking control of your thoughts and attitudes:
#1 – Don’t Play the Blame Game. I learned long ago that if someone is accusing you of being the problem, it’s often their shame speaking so don’t buy into it. I also learned that if everyone is offering you the same criticism, it’s time to drop the defenses, listen and learn!
Excuses and defensive behavior are often coping mechanisms we develop to avoid real issues. You can take responsibility for your thoughts and therefore take responsibility for your actions! How do you begin? Identify 3 areas of life where it is time to stop making excuses!
#2 – Identify Negative Cycles. Do you find yourself constantly repeating the same negative behaviors? Have you asked yourself why? Repetitive cycles are often the result of unresolved issues or judgments toward ourselves or others.
For example, you might say, “My mother was an alcoholic, I will never be like her!” Yet, you find yourself adopting her behaviors! Through forgiveness, you free yourself of pain, anger and judgments, and you shift your focus from yesterday’s hurt to today’s possibility!
You might ask, how do I forgive? We have a model for forgiveness—Christ, who lived a sinless life and chose to forgive those who sinned against Him. Accept His forgiveness and discover its great power! Ask yourself: Do I have repetitive negative behaviors that require forgiveness? Write them down and start forgiving today!
If you have any unforgiveness in your heart, or if you’ve been unable to forgive yourself, right now you can pray this with me: “Jesus I ask You to take the pain that is in my heart. Help me forgive the people who have violated me. Forgive me Lord for those whom I have violated. I ask You right now to forgive me and to cleanse me and to come into my heart to help my emotions, bring Your divine love to my heart today. Release me from my sin and restore my hope.”
If you prayed this prayer I want you to know your heart has been opened to the love of God, and He will be that healing salve that you need when you face tragedy and unforgiveness.
Go to my website today, www.LeslieMcNulty.com and look for our resources. You can find new hope for new life today and resources that will strengthen you on your course to recovery.
Today we continue with the last three steps toward discovering emotional forgiveness.
Step # 3 is to become ALTRUISTIC, or selfless, by giving the gift of forgiveness. Jesus Christ gave the greatest gift of forgiveness when He took our transgressions upon His body and died for us! He did nothing wrong, but God so loved us that He sent His Son to pay the price for our sin.
Christ’s words spoken on the cross ring out through eternity, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Isn’t this ultimately the voice of unconditional forgiveness, and doesn’t this give us the power to forgive? Sometimes in order to offer the gift of forgiveness we must remember or value an instance when someone else forgave us.
Step #4 Once you make the decision to offer the gift of forgiveness, Worthington suggests COMMITTING TO PUBLIC FORGIVENESS. This can be done through writing in a journal, telling a friend, creating a certificate of forgiveness or even telling the individual that wronged you.
Step #5 is to HOLD ON TO FORGIVENESS. Psychologists say that forgiveness is not forgetting, but rather, forgiveness is a decision. Memories of the wrong incurred and the associated negative feelings will arise, but hold on to forgiveness! Remind yourself that you made a decision to forgive!
Scripture: Luke 23:34
Perhaps you can think of someone that you have wronged? Or perhaps someone has wronged you? If you have not allowed yourself to forgive you may be affecting your health! Are you an angry person? Have you considered the negative impact anger has on your health? According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, when you’re chronically angry you’re in a fight-or-flight mode—which can have effects on blood pressure and heart rate.
Forgiveness can get you out of the anger mode and eliminate harmful toxins that may be damaging your body. When you learn to forgive, your heart will thank you—because forgiveness has been shown to lower blood pressure. A 2011 study of married couples in the Journal of Personal Relationships, showed that when the victim in the situation forgave the other person, both experienced a decrease in blood pressure.
Today we will look at the first two steps toward discovering emotional forgiveness.
Step #1 requires you to RECALL the events and hurt as accurately and objectively as possible. I would liken this to accurate thinking—using our minds, not our emotions, to correctly understand and evaluate.
We don’t need to recall the event just to remember we are a victim or to punish the aggressor with our words. We recall to gain perspective. We can use our intellect to control our emotions, allowing us to control our actions and, ultimately, forgive.
The Bible tells us to “Bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Objectively taking our thoughts captive allows us the power to move forward.
Step # 2 is to EMPATHIZE. Try to understand what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you. No one would suggest that this is easy, but by considering the motivations or short-comings of the other person, we may be able to replace negative emotions with positive emotions.
Dostoyevsky states, “Nothing is easier than to condemn the evildoer, nothing is harder than to understand him.”
Empathy is the process of putting yourself in the other person’s chair. Worthington, by looking at his mother’s killer as young, reactionary, and out of control, was better able to understand his mother’s senseless tragedy.
Scripture: 2 Corinthians 10:5
Psychologist Everett Worthington is an author and a specialist on instructing people in REACH, a 5 step process for forgiveness.
Worthington knows something about forgiveness. He experienced the unthinkable when his 78-year-old mother was sexually violated and beaten to death with a crowbar. According to an article published by WWBT in Richmond, Virginia, Worthington states that “this was a particularly horrific scene. One that I just never will forget.”
Adding to his difficulties, Worthington’s brother could not get the image of his mother’s death out of his head, and a few years later he committed suicide. Worthington says not only did he need to forgive his mother’s killer, he also had to forgive himself for not being able to help his brother!
Although I am not a psychologist, I have seen marriages that were broken by infidelity, restored through forgiveness. I have witnessed criminals find self-forgiveness and the ability to move forward in life, and I have seen the abused released from the horrors of cruelty through forgiveness.
Worthington writes in his book, “Forgiveness and Reconciliation” that he was able to forgive the youths that committed the horrible crime against his mother in just over 30 hours. How? By working through his 5-Step Process which I will outline for you over the next two days.
I believe that you can find the power of divine forgiveness! You can accept Jesus’ forgiveness in your life for your own wrong doings, sins and shortcomings! And you can freely forgive those who have wronged you! Jesus said, ‘There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’
If you are looking for forgiveness today, say this with me, ”Jesus, I believe You forgave me 2,000 years ago. Right now I receive Your forgiveness, and I ask You come into my heart now.”
If you prayed this prayer, I want you to go to our website at www.lesliemcnulty.com and find the tools that we have for you. Tools that will help you find a life full of love, faith, and hope in the future!
Scripture: John 15:13
