Forgiveness has both a horizontal and a vertical aspect. Horizontal forgiveness releases us from judgments that bind us to unhealthy relationships. It is the gatekeeper to the unforgiving spirit. As long as we are alive, we will encounter hurt and disappointment. What we do with this disappointment will determine our future.
Vertical forgiveness begins at the heart of God and extends directly to our hearts. It is a supernatural force of divine love that has the power to lift every burden. God’s forgiveness can lift our perspective of our relationships and ourselves. It can cause us to rise above every offense and see things from a heavenly perspective.
Are you troubled in spirit? Right now reach out for God’s divine forgiveness and discover a new liberty and freedom in Him! You can be free, happy and loosed from the chains of an unforgiving spirit!
As a young person, I faced relentless teasing for my size, name and abilities. No one seemed to understand, not even my mother. I remember her saying to me, “Leslie you are beautiful and gifted, what are you so upset about? Straighten up!” Those words, although intended to bring peace, only drove my shame deeper and placed an unseen wedge in my heart.
Several years later I realized that whenever I was in my mother’s house, we would automatically disagree and sometimes argue. There was no one else in the world I loved more at that time and yet we could not dwell in peace. I wanted help. My friend suggested that I ask God to forgive me for judging my mother and, if possible, seek my mother’s forgiveness. When I asked my mother to forgive me for not being the daughter I should have been, I remember her response. She said, “Leslie, you’re my daughter. Forgive you for what? I love you!”
My mother had no memory of any wrong, which is often the case, and the reason we must learn to guard our hearts. Because as the Proverb says, the issues of life flow out of the heart. My release did not come in knowing that my mother understood. My release came when I understood I was forgiven by God and I had forgiven both my mother and myself.
Here are my first two tips to help you evaluate your behavior patterns and begin taking control of your thoughts and attitudes:
#1 – Don’t Play the Blame Game. I learned long ago that if someone is accusing you of being the problem, it’s often their shame speaking so don’t buy into it. I also learned that if everyone is offering you the same criticism, it’s time to drop the defenses, listen and learn!
Excuses and defensive behavior are often coping mechanisms we develop to avoid real issues. You can take responsibility for your thoughts and therefore take responsibility for your actions! How do you begin? Identify 3 areas of life where it is time to stop making excuses!
#2 – Identify Negative Cycles. Do you find yourself constantly repeating the same negative behaviors? Have you asked yourself why? Repetitive cycles are often the result of unresolved issues or judgments toward ourselves or others.
For example, you might say, “My mother was an alcoholic, I will never be like her!” Yet, you find yourself adopting her behaviors! Through forgiveness, you free yourself of pain, anger and judgments, and you shift your focus from yesterday’s hurt to today’s possibility!
You might ask, how do I forgive? We have a model for forgiveness—Christ, who lived a sinless life and chose to forgive those who sinned against Him. Accept His forgiveness and discover its great power! Ask yourself: Do I have repetitive negative behaviors that require forgiveness? Write them down and start forgiving today!
Psychologist Everett Worthington is an author and a specialist on instructing people in REACH, a 5 step process for forgiveness.
Worthington knows something about forgiveness. He experienced the unthinkable when his 78-year-old mother was sexually violated and beaten to death with a crowbar. According to an article published by WWBT in Richmond, Virginia, Worthington states that “this was a particularly horrific scene. One that I just never will forget.”
Adding to his difficulties, Worthington’s brother could not get the image of his mother’s death out of his head, and a few years later he committed suicide. Worthington says not only did he need to forgive his mother’s killer, he also had to forgive himself for not being able to help his brother!
Although I am not a psychologist, I have seen marriages that were broken by infidelity, restored through forgiveness. I have witnessed criminals find self-forgiveness and the ability to move forward in life, and I have seen the abused released from the horrors of cruelty through forgiveness.
Worthington writes in his book, “Forgiveness and Reconciliation” that he was able to forgive the youths that committed the horrible crime against his mother in just over 30 hours. How? By working through his 5-Step Process which I will outline for you over the next two days.
If I were to put a bunch of apple seeds into your hand you would probably get a picture of what could be produced from them. The same is true if I filled your hands with turtle eggs.
If I were to put the seed of a human into your hand, try and think of the possibility!
We look at the Japanese bonsai tree with its artistic, dwarfed size and shape and admire it. Most of humanity has gone through an unseen process like the bonsai tree. Humans have been restricted, confined and twisted to a shape of another’s liking.
It could be religion, family criticism, personal inferiority and fears, or the example of others that has made you feel dwarfed and twisted, but Jesus came to set the captives free! Each of us has an ability to dream of the possibilities in our future. It is a risk to go beyond the parameters, but no one will ever know how high you can grow until you allow yourself to reach! God has put a future in you that reaches into eternity.
Stretch for it today!
Here are some soul-searching questions to direct you toward discovering both the talent you possess, and the talent you are willing to pay any price to develop!
First, ask yourself the all-important purpose questions.
What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? What brings me joy and fulfillment? Am I living my personal values? Sometimes your very first thought is the answer you have been seeking! Liberate the idea that’s in your heart! Write it down! If you do, you will discover that with a little attention the idea will grow!
Belva Davis, the first black TV journalist in the Western United States said, “Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.”
Second, ask the vital “What If” questions to expand your horizon. What would I attempt if I knew I couldn’t fail? Most talent remains undeveloped on the trash heap of If only I had…tried that new job, achieved that degree, written that book. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Think about it. Document your thoughts. Raise your expectations and dare to dream the impossible! You can get out of the box! God-given talent and desires have been placed within you to impact the world for good!
According to success coach, Brian Tracy, “the key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.” These ‘what if’ questions will help you identify your fears and expand your boundaries! President Franklin D. Roosevelt is famously quoted as saying, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Third, ask others their perspective to gain insight.
Who knows you better than your family and closest friends? Ask a friend, family member or co-worker what they perceive as your strongest characteristic, special gifting or unique ability. Write down the names of at least two people you can consult with.
Self-awareness is having a clear perception of your strengths and your weaknesses. You might be surprised at what you discover when you give others the permission to speak into your world! Remember: People pleasers will tell you what you want to hear. A true friend will tell you what you need to hear!
I believe that you can find the power of divine forgiveness! You can accept Jesus’ forgiveness in your life for your own wrong doings, sins and shortcomings! And you can freely forgive those who have wronged you! Jesus said, ‘There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’
If you are looking for forgiveness today, say this with me, ”Jesus, I believe You forgave me 2,000 years ago. Right now I receive Your forgiveness, and I ask You come into my heart now.”
If you prayed this prayer, I want you to go to our website at www.lesliemcnulty.com and find the tools that we have for you. Tools that will help you find a life full of love, faith, and hope in the future!
Scripture: John 15:13
How do we cultivate forgiveness? Renee Napier certainly knows how. Her daughter, Meagan, was a drunken-driver accident victim. Eric Smallridge was intoxicated when the vehicle he was driving struck another, instantly killing Meagan and her friend Lisa, both 20 years old.
Renee knows the incomprehensible grief associated with the sudden loss of a child, and she dedicated her life to preventing more deaths by raising awareness of drunken driving.
She successfully conducted events across Florida, but as she told ABC news,” she kept feeling like something was missing.” She knew if she could involve Eric in her presentations, it would be powerful.
Prior to his prison release Eric was allowed to join Renee in her events. Still wearing his prison uniform he emphatically told people, “Don’t be me! I never intended to be in this uniform! The consequences of my one decision to drive drunk were far too great!”
How does a mother find courage to work with the very man who took her daughter’s life? How could this same person also advocate and obtain an early release for a man who had 10 years left to serve on a 22 year prison sentence for manslaughter? Indira Gandhi said, “Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.”
In a Gulf Breeze News interview Napier said: “I could be angry, hateful and bitter, but I didn’t want to live my life that way. There was no way I could move on and live a happy life without forgiving Eric.”
Napier has said that she has grown to love Smallridge and his family and now considers him to be like a son to her. What would you do if you faced this life altering tragedy? Could you forgive this person? Would you forgive this person? And how do you cultivate forgiveness?
Terri Roberts was sitting on the patio when she heard sirens and helicopters in the distance. As she normally did when she heard the sirens, Terri prayed for the responders, finished her lunch and returned to work. Moments later she received a phone call from her husband. Come to Charlie’s house now.
Driving to her 32 year old son’s house she heard the report of 10 girls shot in the nearby Amish school. When Terri arrived at the house, she saw her husband speaking to a state trooper. Her first question…is Charlie alive? NO.
It was October 2, 2006, Terri’s son had just shot 10 Amish school girls and then took his own life. Five of the girls were dead, five injured and one would forever be a paraplegic. Bitter at God over his wife’s miscarriage, Terri’s son had directed his rage towards these young girls.
What goes through the mind of a mother who finds their child responsible for such a tragedy? How would you react?
Terri went home later that day and collapsed into a fetal position. Her husband buried his head in a towel crying so hard that he injured the skin on his face!
Something happened that night in the Roberts’ home. An Amish neighbor came over to offer his love and comfort. Terri witnessed this “Angel Dressed in Black”—the Amish are known for their customary black clothing—consoling her husband. Their visitor reassuringly said, ‘Roberts, we love you,’ and immediately she knew that her husband would heal.
Bernard Meltzer says, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past—but you sure do change the future.”
That night Terri Roberts and her husband were introduced to the greatest gift imaginable—forgiveness—the power to live another day!
One of the real challenges that stands as a mountain before a person is the delay of their dreams. It is difficult for people to deal with time, they expect solutions instantly. They want it now, not five minutes from now!
This time expectation is most acute and unique to American society. They are inventors of fast food because it is believed that fast is always better! Now, let me help you understand time. God has no time frame that controls Him. The whole spectrum of time is always laid before Him, so He does not experience time as a limiter.
Faith is what He has given us to enter into the reality that He lives in.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Faith is the quality of a human being that allows us to see and be happy about our answer now. We are not waiting for the physical manifestation to be happy, or fulfilled, or confident. We enjoy what we believe as if we had the things we believe for now in our possession. What does this do for us?
It puts eternity into our heart!
What we have received as our inheritance from God is ours right now. Get happy about it and you will see it!
Scripture: Hebrews 11:1
