If you have any unforgiveness in your heart, or if you’ve been unable to forgive yourself, right now you can pray this with me: “Jesus I ask You to take the pain that is in my heart. Help me forgive the people who have violated me. Forgive me Lord for those whom I have violated. I ask You right now to forgive me and to cleanse me and to come into my heart to help my emotions, bring Your divine love to my heart today. Release me from my sin and restore my hope.”

If you prayed this prayer I want you to know your heart has been opened to the love of God, and He will be that healing salve that you need when you face tragedy and unforgiveness.

Go to my website today, www.LeslieMcNulty.com and look for our resources. You can find new hope for new life today and resources that will strengthen you on your course to recovery.

Today we continue with the last three steps toward discovering emotional forgiveness.

Step # 3 is to become ALTRUISTIC, or selfless, by giving the gift of forgiveness. Jesus Christ gave the greatest gift of forgiveness when He took our transgressions upon His body and died for us! He did nothing wrong, but God so loved us that He sent His Son to pay the price for our sin.

Christ’s words spoken on the cross ring out through eternity, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Isn’t this ultimately the voice of unconditional forgiveness, and doesn’t this give us the power to forgive?  Sometimes in order to offer the gift of forgiveness we must remember or value an instance when someone else forgave us.

Step #4 Once you make the decision to offer the gift of forgiveness, Worthington suggests COMMITTING TO PUBLIC FORGIVENESS. This can be done through writing in a journal, telling a friend, creating a certificate of forgiveness or even telling the individual that wronged you.

Step #5 is to HOLD ON TO FORGIVENESS. Psychologists say that forgiveness is not forgetting, but rather, forgiveness is a decision. Memories of the wrong incurred and the associated negative feelings will arise, but hold on to forgiveness! Remind yourself that you made a decision to forgive!

Scripture:  Luke 23:34

Perhaps you can think of someone that you have wronged? Or perhaps someone has wronged you? If you have not allowed yourself to forgive you may be affecting your health! Are you an angry person? Have you considered the negative impact anger has on your health?  According to Johns Hopkins Medicine, when you’re chronically angry you’re in a fight-or-flight mode—which can have effects on blood pressure and heart rate.

Forgiveness can get you out of the anger mode and eliminate harmful toxins that may be damaging your body. When you learn to forgive, your heart will thank you—because forgiveness has been shown to lower blood pressure.  A 2011 study of married couples in the Journal of Personal Relationships, showed that when the victim in the situation forgave the other person, both experienced a decrease in blood pressure.

Today we will look at the first two steps toward discovering emotional forgiveness.

Step #1 requires you to RECALL the events and hurt as accurately and objectively as possible. I would liken this to accurate thinking—using our minds, not our emotions, to correctly understand and evaluate.

We don’t need to recall the event just to remember we are a victim or to punish the aggressor with our words. We recall to gain perspective. We can use our intellect to control our emotions, allowing us to control our actions and, ultimately, forgive.

The Bible tells us to “Bring every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.” Objectively taking our thoughts captive allows us the power to move forward.

Step # 2 is to EMPATHIZE. Try to understand what happened from the point of view of the person who wronged you. No one would suggest that this is easy, but by considering the motivations or short-comings of the other person, we may be able to replace negative emotions with positive emotions.

Dostoyevsky states, “Nothing is easier than to condemn the evildoer, nothing is harder than to understand him.”

Empathy is the process of putting yourself in the other person’s chair. Worthington, by looking at his mother’s killer as young, reactionary, and out of control, was better able to understand his mother’s senseless tragedy.

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 10:5

Psychologist Everett Worthington is an author and a specialist on instructing people in REACH, a 5 step process for forgiveness.

Worthington knows something about forgiveness. He experienced the unthinkable when his 78-year-old mother was sexually violated and beaten to death with a crowbar. According to an article published by WWBT in Richmond, Virginia, Worthington states that “this was a particularly horrific scene. One that I just never will forget.”

Adding to his difficulties, Worthington’s brother could not get the image of his mother’s death out of his head, and a few years later he committed suicide. Worthington says not only did he need to forgive his mother’s killer, he also had to forgive himself for not being able to help his brother!

Although I am not a psychologist, I have seen marriages that were broken by infidelity, restored through forgiveness. I have witnessed criminals find self-forgiveness and the ability to move forward in life, and I have seen the abused released from the horrors of cruelty through forgiveness.

Worthington writes in his book, “Forgiveness and Reconciliation” that he was able to forgive the youths that committed the horrible crime against his mother in just over 30 hours. How? By working through his 5-Step Process which I will outline for you over the next two days.

If I were to put a bunch of apple seeds into your hand you would probably get a picture of what could be produced from them. The same is true if I filled your hands with turtle eggs.

If I were to put the seed of a human into your hand, try and think of the possibility!

We look at the Japanese bonsai tree with its artistic, dwarfed size and shape and admire it. Most of humanity has gone through an unseen process like the bonsai tree. Humans have been restricted, confined and twisted to a shape of another’s liking.

It could be religion, family criticism, personal inferiority and fears, or the example of others that has made you feel dwarfed and twisted, but Jesus came to set the captives free! Each of us has an ability to dream of the possibilities in our future.  It is a risk to go beyond the parameters, but no one will ever know how high you can grow until you allow yourself to reach! God has put a future in you that reaches into eternity.

Stretch for it today!

Here are some soul-searching questions to direct you toward discovering both the talent you possess, and the talent you are willing to pay any price to develop!

First, ask yourself the all-important purpose questions.

What do I want to do? What am I passionate about? What brings me joy and fulfillment? Am I living my personal values? Sometimes your very first thought is the answer you have been seeking! Liberate the idea that’s in your heart! Write it down! If you do, you will discover that with a little attention the idea will grow!

Belva Davis, the first black TV journalist in the Western United States said, “Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality. If you can dream it, you can make it so.”

Second, ask the vital “What If” questions to expand your horizon. What would I attempt if I knew I couldn’t fail? Most talent remains undeveloped on the trash heap of If only I had…tried that new job, achieved that degree, written that book. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Think about it. Document your thoughts. Raise your expectations and dare to dream the impossible! You can get out of the box! God-given talent and desires have been placed within you to impact the world for good!

According to success coach, Brian Tracy, “the key to success is to focus our conscious mind on things we desire, not things we fear.” These ‘what if’ questions will help you identify your fears and expand your boundaries! President Franklin D. Roosevelt is famously quoted as saying, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”

Third, ask others their perspective to gain insight.

Who knows you better than your family and closest friends? Ask a friend, family member or co-worker what they perceive as your strongest characteristic, special gifting or unique ability. Write down the names of at least two people you can consult with.

Self-awareness is having a clear perception of your strengths and your weaknesses. You might be surprised at what you discover when you give others the permission to speak into your world! Remember: People pleasers will tell you what you want to hear. A true friend will tell you what you need to hear!

Have you ever asked yourself, “Why don’t I have the talent I need? If I did, I’d accomplish my goals much faster!” However, I’ve discovered that talent is never enough!  I was reminded of this during a long writing session preparing for my training seminars. It seemed that though I loved writing, if I were really good at it I would do it much faster. But I have learned in over 25 years of inspiring spiritual leaders, business people and the general public, that there are no short cuts in life! Only determined, hard work focused on a quality outcome with intentional effort will produce results that set you apart from the pack.

What is hard work? It’s not just lifting a 100-pound package or moving a pallet of bricks with your bare hands. No! It is the discipline required to remain focused and meet your deadlines. Movie producer Stephen King says, “Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work.”

What is a quality outcome? It is creating something worthy of your approval, knowing that you gave it your very best! It is working and re-working that piece so it stands out above the rest. It is being willing to re-edit, again and again, your thoughts and dreams! It is raising the bar and setting your goal even higher when you think you’ve already finished!

What is intentional effort? It is deliberately putting your energy levels to the test when your body, your mind, and even your friends say, “Ah, you can finish tomorrow,” or “is this really worth all the effort?”

Tomorrow I will be asking some “Soul-Searching Questions” that will direct you toward discovering both the talent you possess, and the talent you are willing to pay any price to develop!

I believe that you can find the power of divine forgiveness! You can accept Jesus’ forgiveness in your life for your own wrong doings, sins and shortcomings!  And you can freely forgive those who have wronged you! Jesus said, ‘There is no greater love than to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.’

If you are looking for forgiveness today, say this with me, ”Jesus, I believe You forgave me 2,000 years ago. Right now I receive Your forgiveness, and I ask You come into my heart now.”

If you prayed this prayer, I want you to go to our website at www.lesliemcnulty.com and find the tools that we have for you.  Tools that will help you find a life full of love, faith, and hope in the future!

Scripture: John 15:13

How do we cultivate forgiveness? Renee Napier certainly knows how. Her daughter, Meagan, was a drunken-driver accident victim. Eric Smallridge was intoxicated when the vehicle he was driving struck another, instantly killing Meagan and her friend Lisa, both 20 years old.

Renee knows the incomprehensible grief associated with the sudden loss of a child, and she dedicated her life to preventing more deaths by raising awareness of drunken driving.

She successfully conducted events across Florida, but as she told ABC news,” she kept feeling like something was missing.” She knew if she could involve Eric in her presentations, it would be powerful.

Prior to his prison release Eric was allowed to join Renee in her events. Still wearing his prison uniform he emphatically told people, “Don’t be me! I never intended to be in this uniform! The consequences of my one decision to drive drunk were far too great!”

How does a mother find courage to work with the very man who took her daughter’s life? How could this same person also advocate and obtain an early release for a man who had 10 years left to serve on a 22 year prison sentence for manslaughter? Indira Gandhi said, “Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.”

In a Gulf Breeze News interview Napier said: “I could be angry, hateful and bitter, but I didn’t want to live my life that way. There was no way I could move on and live a happy life without forgiving Eric.”

Napier has said that she has grown to love Smallridge and his family and now considers him to be like a son to her. What would you do if you faced this life altering tragedy? Could you forgive this person? Would you forgive this person?  And how do you cultivate forgiveness?